Personal Narrative 3

This was a fun passage. I enjoyed reading it. The intro was nothing spectacular, and at first I was not really interested; however, as I continued to read the next several paragraphs, it began to hold my attention. I like the humor that was presented.

Personal Narrative 2

I think the author did a good job for the most part. I wasn't too entrigued by the introduction, but the rest of the essay kept my attention. I like how the author recalls his boyhood as if he is reliving it through his son's experiences. The events and sensory details allow the reader to become enveloped in the scene with the author.

Personal Narrative

I enjoyed this narrative. I think the author did a great job at grabbing and keeping my attention. There were several words that I didn't understand (French), but I understand his theory behind it to make the reader feel like they are there. All of the details were significant, and I feel like the author showed his character.

Sentence Variety

Sam got in her car, drove to the mall, went to the shoe store, and bought a pair of boots. While she was there, she also bought a shoeshine kit. Afterwards, she went to the food court where she bought a burrito that had onions and peppers on it. As Sam was eating the burrito, she saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand. The boy looked at Sam, and she blushed. Sam said hi when the boy walked over to her, but the boy wrinkled up his nose. Sam was confused, so she said hi again. The boy gagged and walked away, leaving Sam shocked. Sam ran to the bathroom crying when she realized she had bad breath. In the bathroom, Sam shined her new boots and put them on. She then walked out of the bathroom full of confidence. Sam found the boy and told him that he needed manners. She then kicked him with her new boots. As the boy fell to the ground, Sam walked away and out of the mall. 

Mechanics

The biggest problems I have when writting a paper are:
"use the active voice"... my sentences are lengthy and do not catch the reader's attention
"omit needless words"

Putting sentences together and keeping similar words together is an area in which I am fairly strong.

I will definitely be more aware of these issues when I write. Ususally as I revise a paper, I look for repetitive words and how my sentences are structured. Now my focus will be a little different.